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Tuesday, January 6, 2015

A Non-Gym-Beast's Guide to Your Local Fitness Club

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Happy New Year!

Here's a little dose of truth serum to start the new year: fitness and health related goals are the number 1 resolutions made by Americans. However, only about 8% are actually successful in achieving their goal, and only 46% of people maintain their efforts toward said goal 6 months after setting it. For more stats on this topic (and tips for keeping your resolutions!), visit this link.


Cheezburger animated GIF

Another dose of truth is that my personal relationship with gyms and fitness has been fickle. About 2 years ago, I joined a popular, local private gym. We'll call it Gym1. It was a nice facility with all the bells, whistles, classes, and lessons that you could want. I enrolled in personal training, which was both fun and terrible. I really hated going, but I loved how accomplished I felt after. My relationship with Gym1 started to dwindle when my trainer and I started having differing opinions on my fitness goals and regime. I didn't want to scream, grunt, and yell when I did stuff: it's just not my style. I had a problem when I would come to the gym to do some cardio and light weight lifting and he would interrupt me on the elliptical and argue with me about the level or speed (this would go for so long that my time on the elliptical would reset completely) at which I was moving. I realized he was starting to control my gym experience and I promptly stopped training with him. I started to become intimidated by even going to the facility because he would stop me anytime he saw me and lecture me about what I was doing, how much weight I had or hadn't lost, and why I stopped training with him. I then decided that Gym1 was not my jam. Unfortunately, I'm an indentured servant to them until April, buuuuut that's neither here nor there. 






**Disclaimer** let me also say that this gym is a great gym, and that there are incredible trainers and staff there. My husband still belongs there and goes regularly, but it just wasn't the place for me.

My next (and current) gym experience is at a place we will call Gym2. I've been at this gym for just under a year and have been really pleased so far. It is much more laid back, fewer bells and whistles, but I feel comfortable there, which is reason enough for me.The biggest thing that I have learned through my diverse experiences at these fitness facilities is how to navigate the ebbs and flows of the gym regulars. With that, I give you:

A Non-Gym-Beast's Guide to your Local Fitness Club
*Let me put out a disclaimer that I am not a gym snob, just an observant snob*

The Lulu Ladies

I feel comfortable categorizing these ladies because I feel as though this is probably the one that I most closely identify with. These ladies go to the gym to get in shape, yes, but also because they like the outfits. #guilty. They most often frequent the elliptical, and those machines for your thighs that look like a more appropriate version of a thigh-master. They are likely watching HGTV and making lists on their iPhone.


The Sprinters

I really get irritated by these folks because you can't tell me that a little warm-up ever hurt nobody. These are the guys and gals who hop on the treadmill and immediately set it for like an 8 and just sprint and keep sprinting, making those of us who do a nice brisk walking warm up at a 3.5 or 4 look like chumps. Want to know why I don't do that? Because THIS:

Girl on treadmill fail



The Clueless Ones

The cool thing about most gym machines is they have handy dandy diagrams on them that show you how to use them correctly. I sometimes just don't understand when you've got the folks that just start walking around with dumbbells balanced on their shoulders, or drape a yoga mat over their shoulders like a cape. Can someone help me understand? Stay away from these guys...they are too dangerous.




The Overachiever

You know the ones. They were the Sprinters earlier, are lifting the absolute heaviest weights, and even attempting this nonsense:


Stay away from them...they just make you look bad!


So here's to you, non-gym-beast. May you be part of the 8% this year!

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